I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Small penises have feelings too.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
