My balls are so social today.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
