This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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