Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
