You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
