no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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