it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
