I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
