You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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