Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
