I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
