worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
