and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
