i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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