I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
