You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
