Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he shaved USA in his pubs
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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