the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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