I am spending my child support on dildos
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
