I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
