I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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