What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
