there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
