You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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