She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
someone owes me an orgasm
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
