omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
