google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
