508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
