If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
