Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
