Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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