It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
