textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
