I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
