just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
