Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
