He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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