After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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