dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
