He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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