1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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