found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
