I can tuck mytits in my pants
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
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