he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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