my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I stole a fireplace last night.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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