It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He passed out mid-signature
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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