he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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