what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Enjoy the penises
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
