meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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