I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
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