i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
