I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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