well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
