theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
